You can (not) live on
by potatovodka
Summary: After losing her eye, Asuka falls into depression. Mari hopes to get her back to her old self. Asuka x Mari. Rated MA for language, sexual content, suggestive themes and violence.


I do no own Neon Genesis Evangelion in any form. This is a work of fanfiction.

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Chapter 1: don't feel bad

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Mari helped Asuka back into their apartment after Asuka's latest doctor's appointment. After the incident where Asuka lost her eye, right away, she was fine. She didn't feel as though it would be a huge setback. After the doctors started telling her that not having both of her eyes could potentially interfere with the operation of her Eva, she started falling into a deep depression. She was so depressed, she hardly ever talked, ate maybe once a day and wouldn't shower unless Mari helped her. Due to their already close and intimate relationship, Mari had no problems helping her do everything.

...

Mari brought her over to the couch and sat her down while she went to start dinner. "Anything in particular you'd like to have?"

Asuka just sat there, staring into space. Not getting an answer, Mari started off making a simple meal of hamburger steaks with gravy. Not having any potatoes, she settled for instant for their mashed potatoes. After dinner was ready, Mari set their places at the table and walked over to bring Asuka to her place at the table.

They sat down together, Mari starting to eat slowly, noticing that Asuka wasn't eating anything again. "Come on, princess, please eat." Mari joked, hoping her use of a name Asuka didn't care for would stir up a reaction, even if it was a negative one. "Nothing? You want something else?"

"No, this is fine." Asuka surprised her by answering. "I'm just not that hungry."

"Can you please take a bite? I don't want you to go hungry." Mari picked up a piece of hamburger steak on her fork and put it by Asuka's mouth. "If not for you, can you do it for me?"

Asuka took the bite and started chewing. Mari picked up another piece and put it by her mouth again, this time having to press it against her mouth to get her to open up. Slowly but surely, Asuka ate everything Mari gave her. Feeling hopeful, Mari brought out a piece of strawberry shortcake for dessert. She cut a piece off with a clean fork and put it up to Asuka's mouth, again having to press it against her mouth to get her to eat it.

...

Mari sat Asuka down on the couch as she took the dishes to the sink to begin soaking them, then rejoined Asuka on the couch. She turned the TV to one of Asuka's favorite shows to try and cheer her up. The show that usually got her rolling got no more than a stale blink. "There's got to be something I can do to snap her out of this." Mari thought to herself. "You know what might pick you up? A tickle fight."

Mari started tickling Asuka up and down her sides and across her belly, but it didn't bring out any laughs. She tried tickling Asuka on her lower back, which also didn't have the desired effect. Not getting discouraged over it, Mari knew one place that always made her laugh, no matter what. She turned Asuka so she was laying down on the couch. She picked up her feet and started trying to tickle her there. She tried tickling from heel to toe, but nothing got even a flinch out of her.

"Hon, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I just don't feel good right now." Asuka said in an uncharacteristically flat tone.

"I'm not gonna stop until I get you happy again." Mari replied, now somewhat invigorated by Asuka calling her hon again. "There's one more thing we can try, if you're interested."

"You can try what you want, but I doubt it'll work."

Mari walked her to the bedroom and started undressing. Once she was fully disrobed, she started undressing Asuka. Once Asuka was undressed, she laid her down on the bed and crawled on top of her. She came down and started kissing her slowly. Seeing no change in her expression, Mari started heading south. She kissed all the way down, kissed her breasts and her navel. Finally, she reached her destination.

She used her fingers to spread her lips open. She didn't seem like she was ready for anything, so Mari decided to try and get her started. She started by licking her, probing around as deep as her tongue would go. She looked up Asuka's body and noticed no movement. She got up on her knees and started pushing her index and middle fingers inside Asuka's spot. Mari started moving her fingers in and out, and started moving them around side to side. Even after a couple of minutes, she didn't notice even the slightest bit of change. "I'm just not feeling it. Thanks for trying, though." Asuka told her.

Feeling a little defeated, Mari pulled her fingers out and looked at them. Her fingers had barely any moisture on them, far less than normal. She pulled the covers up on herself and Asuka as she laid next to her.

...

Asuka woke up later that night, hearing something in the bathroom next to their bedroom. She looked over and didn't see Mari next to her. She could hear what sounded like Mari crying. "I just want her to feel better. What am I doing wrong?" She heard Mari whimpering. "I love that girl. I'd give anything to see her smile again. I just want to see that beautiful smile again. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not good enough."

Asuka started feeling terrible, hearing something like that from her lover. She got out of bed and slipped some shorts on and left the apartment. She didn't even bother putting on a shirt, which would get her arrested if the police saw her, but she didn't care. On her way out, she grabbed the bottle of vodka that was not so well hidden in the back of the cupboard.

Asuka started walking toward the Eva hangar as she started drinking the alcohol. Being somewhat of a lightweight, she didn't drink much before she was tipsy. Being the time that it was, security was not the tightest, so her walk went uninterrupted.

When she got to the hangar, she was fairly soused from the vodka, and struggled to keep her one eye looking straight enough to press any buttons on the elevator. Once up at the top floor by the head of her Eva, she took another big drink of the alcohol. "What am I gonna... Gonna do?" Asuka asked her Eva, her speech very heavily slurred. "I... I'm supposed to be a pulpit... Pilot or something. I've... Supposed to be helping humanity..." She trailed off, drinking more, then raising the bottle to the Eva. "What the hell is wrong with me?!" She shouted to the empty hangar.

Mari had come out of the bathroom and noticed Asuka wasn't there anymore. She quickly dressed, grabbed a coat and started running out of the apartment. "My God, I hope she's okay." She said to herself as she started heading for the hangar, knowing that's where she probably went.

...

"Look at me now, ma, you must be so happy. The little girl you left behind is worthless now." She continued shouting to nobody. "I can't be a pilot, I'm drunk and I'm looking at... Looking at my fucking robot that I can't EVEN PILOT. My woman is at home crying because she thinks she's not good enough. What good am I now? I can't even keep my woman happy, and she's really trying. The one person... The one person who wants to make me happy, and it's like I'm letting her down. I'm so pathetic."

Mari rode the elevator up to the top floor of the hangar and found Asuka standing on the catwalk, drinking more of the vodka. "I need to stop her." Mari whispered as she started approaching her.

"I love that woman, I really do... But if I'm... If can't... If she feels like she can't make me happy, then it's my fault. I really want to get better. I want her to know..." She trailed off, starting to cry as she took another drink. "She's all I've really got left." She fell to her knees as she dropped the bottle, which rolled off of the catwalk and fell to a lower floor, breaking when it hit. "I want to get better. For me and for her. It hurts even more when she feels bad because of me. Please, someone help me."

Mari walked up and put a hand on Asuka's shoulder which made her look up. "Hey. If you want help, I'm here."

"But it's not you, is me. Something wrong with me."

Mari picked her up so she could see her face to face. "Honey, please don't beat yourself up over this. It's not like you. But hey, for what it's worth, I'll always be here for you. No matter what."

"What if never get... If I never don't get better?" Asuka slurred out, her drunkenness very clear.

"We'll keep trying."

"I don't want to you to waste your life trying to help me."

"I love you. I don't care how long it takes."

"Did you how... How much did you hear?"

"I heard most of it. If you really love me like you say, just cover up and come home. We'll figure something out."

Mari put the coat on Asuka to cover her up and buttoned it so she wasn't exposed. "Mari... Come here." Asuka told her as she wrapped her up tightly in a hug. "Thank you. You're already doing so much for me. I love you. I really do. I'm so sorry for being like this."

"It can't be helped, it wasn't your fault, you didn't do this. Now let's go home."

...

The ladies made it home safely, Mari having to carry Asuka briefly, since she had passed out along the way. Looking up good things to eat when drunk, Mari found out that one of the best things to eat was Miso soup. It was light, easy to digest, had fluids and some protein, as well as a couple of other good things necessary when drinking. She sat Asuka on the couch and started making it. Once enough was ready, she brought a bowl of it over to Asuka and started feeding her. She also brought a glass of water to help keep her hydrated. Much to Mari's delight, Asuka started eating it by herself.

Their second meal for the night finished, Mari put everything in the sink and gathered her lady for bed.

...

When morning came, Asuka was the first to wake up. She felt Mari holding her and started feeling slightly better in knowing that Mari was really sticking it out with her. When Mari woke up and saw Asuka sitting on the edge of the bed, she crawled over to join her. "Hey, I'm really sorry for last night. My actions were selfish and immature. You've been trying this whole time, and I've just been sitting here like nothing is happening."

"Hey, I'm seeing you improve. That's enough for me, princess." Mari responded, trying to get a little more out of her.

"Don't call me that."

Mari looked up and saw a smile creeping up on Asuka's face, making her feel like she was making progress. She got a kiss from her lady, then started holding her hand. "That made my whole day, my whole week. Just seeing that little smile."

...


End file.
